Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
