the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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