He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
