sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
