I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
