everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
