Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My feet surprised me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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