Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Farmville is her only friend.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
