member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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