I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
