You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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