He had one of those small greek statue penises
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
