can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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