Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
