who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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