A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
