He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
