Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
