We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
