I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
