Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
