You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
