Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
