call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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