i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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