Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
