Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
