then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Your penis caused this!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
