Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
