I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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