I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You ruined the universe
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
