he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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