it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
