I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
