I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
