We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
someone owes me an orgasm
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
