It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Less talking, more tequila
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
