her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
