I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
