I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
