I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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