so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
