i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
