So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
