so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My penis needs a shock collar
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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