He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
