sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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