Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
