What a fucking waste of an outfit
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
