i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
