My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
