xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
