moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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