You just made me feel so damn special
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
