I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
