Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
