the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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