My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
