only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
