You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
