he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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