the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
