It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
