Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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