He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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