i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
