I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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