We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you inspire me to be a worse person
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
